Taking Charity to the Personal Level

I had five one dollar bills in my hand looking up at three jars on the table. Each jar had a label I had written and glued on under my dad’s instruction; Spending, Savings, and Charity.

I worked hard for those five dollars and I really wanted new baseball cards. Still, I kept thinking of that sad little boy earlier in the week that didn’t have enough money for an ice cream. He must have been poor. I put one dollar in Charity (enough for a Rocket Pop) and put the rest in my pocket. I looked up at my dad and reluctantly pulled a dollar back out and put it in Savings - “You and your mother are too much alike”.

I don’t know how many times I feel like I’m standing on front of that jar again. Call it guilt or pity. Whatever. Putting in a dollar made me feel better and that’s no different now. I’m making a little more than my old weekly allowance, but I’m still falling into the same pattern of giving. Standing on front of that charity jar was always a point-of-sale decision. I acted on impulse and walked away satisfied with my actions of doing good.

Unfortunately, the more money we make the easier it becomes to simply write a check and not think twice about it. I’m buying that extra mulligan at the charity golf tournament - I’m fumbling through my wallet seeing the plate getting passed to my row - Sure, I’ll support your run for XYZ foundation. In our busy lives as young associates we easily become detached from our giving. We have a million other things to think about and the impact isn’t so harsh on the wallet.

I think there’s something missing when we don’t find charity to be on some level personal. I’m not saying it’s bad if you don’t go there, but I don’t believe it’s experiencing life to the fullest either. I’ve heard charity described in the extreme as something that affects you deeply. It’s part of the search for what hurts your heart. Something so personal that you can actually feel yourself entering into their pain. Your giving of money becomes simply an overflow of that.

Some of us haven’t experienced any sort of tragedy in our life. We’re lucky, but how about if we all started looking for it? The time we spend searching for a cause is just as much charity as giving away our money. It’s an act of will and not an impulse at the point-of-sale. The more time we invest in the search the more personal it becomes. Putting more of ourselves in the thought process draws us closer to the cause when we find it.

“Good and Evil both increase at compounding interest. That is why the little decisions you and I make every day are of such infinite importance. The smallest good act today is the capture of a strategic point from which, a few months later, you may be able to go on to victories you never dreamed of.” - C.S. Lewis

I’m not saying to pull a Bill Gates and retire to go into full time philanthropy. Start small by simply taking the time to do some research. The smallest start can grow into something amazing.

A Book:

Giving by Bill Clinton

I bought this from a grocery store one day ’cause it was on sale. I highly recommend this as a start ’cause Bill gives a good overview of a lot of options out there for you to look into. Everyone will be drawn to different things and this hits a wide range of opportunities.

An Idea:

I’ve always preferred to experience something not entirely by myself. I think charity definitely applies. We’ve all seen the infomercials of sponsoring a child in Africa. Why not go in and make the investment with a couple of close friends. Don’t simply end there, but make a pact to plan some vacation time together in the future and go as a group to visit the kid in Africa. I’m sure people have done this before. There’s just something about meeting face-to-face that takes it to a whole other level.

Making Hard Decisions

So here we are. We’re actually living the question “What do you want to do when you grow up?”. A new found independence, a new sense of self, the world at our fingertips… Are we ready for the tough decisions that this lifestage lays at our feet?

Maybe down the road, when we become seasoned professionals, we’ll look back at this moment and smirk at the weight we currently feel on our shoulders. Maybe… but I’m obviously not there yet. I see a fork in the road and the answer isn’t black and white. I look left to right and see nothing but shades of gray.

Come on, I mean I still think lightsabers are cool. My maturity phases in and out. Can I possibly be ready to make decisions that will impact the trajectory of my career… my life? I don’t know what questions you’re facing these days, but I know everybody has a couple big ones that are awaiting answers we don’t have. Uncertainty is a part of life. It’s what keeps it interesting and keeps us humble.

So how do I deal with it? What’s my formula for making life decisions that are beyond my comfort level, beyond my experience, and beyond, well, everything…

1. Pray.

Just for the record, God hasn’t come down in a booming voice with what I should do… ever. I don’t think that’s the point. For the most part I don’t think he cares so much about our end decision. It’s how we get there. Remember in grade school when your best friend came up to you and started conversation with the words “I haven’t told anyone this yet…”. That always made me feel pretty damn special.

In the same way, I believe when the time comes and I’m standing on front of the big man himself, he’s not going to pat me on the back and say “Good job, you made the right decision”. I think he’ll say something more like “Remember that time you were completely stressed out and you were making a really hard decision. Thank you for asking me for help. Thank you for pulling me into the conversation. That made me smile.”

2. Advice.

I’m not that smart, but I have really smart friends. Well, I guess some dumb friends too, but they’re willing to impart wisdom from their past mistakes. Even if they don’t have the answer I think it helps to talk it out. There’s just something about confiding in people that allows you to emotionally unload the weight on your shoulders.

Just this week I sent an email to Will and Hoops. They’re pretty good for the peer-to-peer perspective on professional advice. I have my go-to people for different problems. Start thinking about who could be yours.

3. Reason.

Use reason in your decision process and take emotion out of it. I try to see all the advice I’ve been given and visualize the big picture. I take myself to that bird’s eye view, use reason to my best ability, and make a decision.

True, there are times I have to experience it for myself. I go against the advice I’ve been given and general reasoning. This is definitely not an everyday occurence, but you can’t count out that gut feeling inside. A gut feeling and “emotion” are not the same thing.

4. Act.

Don’t wait and second guess everything. Start putting plans into motion. The quicker you start logistics the less you’ll spend hesitating. This puts more confidence in your decision. Hesitation is frustrating not only to yourself, but to the people around you that are impacted by your decision. Act quickly. You’ve already taken the time to think this through and you’ll reassess at the milestones. So get going.

 

I guess decisions get harder as you get older. More responsibility means more ways to screw things up. Still, with every major decision you grow and learn more about yourself. Sometimes you just need to trust what you’ve decided, take a leap of faith and see what happens.

Don’t Become a Victim of Your Own Success

We played state together so I knew his style. He was an overrated arrogant prick. He was quick but had no creativity. The same runs and the same moves I’d seen him use over and over. He was never outmatched in skill, but during the game he could never pull a decent shot. We figured out his formula for success and he couldn’t adapt. He became predictable and we shut him down.

Transition from the pitch to the high rise buildings in Atlanta, GA. The fall of Douglas Ivester as CEO of Coca Cola was the story of a man victim to his own success.

“[Ivester's] extraordinary attention to detail, which had been such a virtue in finance and operations proved to be a hindrance in this new position. [He] could not free himself from day-to-day operations enough to take on the strategic, visionary, and statemanlike role of an effective CEO” - Michael Watkins, The First 90 Days

To become a leading associate you’ll have to change your formula for success in every new position and stage in life. There are no universal rules for success so don’t start creating one in your mind. Know that with every new project, every new relationship, every new conversation you need to adapt and adjust to be successful. Don’t come with a pre-conceived cookie cutter solution. Instead, continually match your strategy to the situation.

Some of us find it hard to let go of our old ways. It’s difficult to approach situations in a manner we’ve never done before. The fear of failure usually pulls us to revert to what we know has succeeded in the past. Never branching out and never trying new things will not get you far. Every life stage brings with it new challenges and new opportunities. Learning to adapt and move with the changes will accelerate your transition to the next level - Whatever it may be.

It All Starts With A Jog

My mind started slipping into the whole woe is me complex. Everyone experiences this from time to time. Life’s tough and it doesn’t help when you’ve just moved to a new city. I just started feeling fed up with everything. Instead of enrolling into team angst I decided to get up and go for a jog. It snapped me right out of it.

I’m not a hardcore runner. The only time I actually enjoy running is if I’m chasing a ball. My Sunday jog, however, was just what the doctor ordered. I had a sweet playlist on my ipod consisting of Coldplay, Starfield, and the Temptations (my taste in music is all over the place). Since I didn’t have a coach breathing down my neck I could stop and walk whenever I felt the desire to do so. It was great.

During my breaks I started thinking about everything. It was like as the sweat seeped out of my pores it unleashed a flow of creative juices. New blog ideas, new work ideas, even new confidence in getting out and meeting new people. I was exploring new areas of the neighborhood (FYI - if it’s your first time testing out a new path avoid street signs that end in CT). After getting back in my air conditioned apartment I felt refreshed.

Everyone knows exercise is good for you mentally and physically. I definitely experienced that today. Maybe I’ll even start eating an apple a day.

Finding the Leader Within

“The vision of a champion is bent over, dripping in sweat, at the point of exhaustion, when NO ONE is watching.” - Anson Dorance

What is your definition of leadership? I was a little surprised by the question, but I gave the standard answers stolen from various books on the subject. After I clicked send I knew the response I was getting would make me think ten times harder than I had during the entire week. Dave Gregorio, one of my mentors, usually finds time within his hectic schedule to stretch my thinking cap. One of our discussions on leadership did exactly that…

Dave told me the proudest period of leadership in his life came at a point when he had no one to lead but himself.

“One of the greatest challenges I faced in my life after leaving my career in 2002 was that of losing my identity. I spent the better part of the previous 15 or so years leading people… I no longer had a team to lead or motivate. It forced me to take a new look at myself and leadership.”

How many of us coming out of college find ourselves exactly in that situation? As a professional student we constantly took on positions of leadership everyday. It could be captaining a soccer team, working in student council, or even taking the lead on that business project due in 24 hours. We graduate and find ourselves in a humbling entry-level position where we work alone for hours on end. Are they under utilizing our leadership skills?

The conversation I had with Dave made me realize how I constantly looked externally in my idea of being a leader. I always required a team, a company… someone to influence and validate my leadership. My development required me to step away from that and start looking within. I needed to learn what I was made of when there was no one around. In essence, how to lead myself.

A natural born leader finds it easy to influence and motivate his team to get the job done. How does he fare when he finds himself in a situation alone with no one watching? It’s really easy in a large company to hide and get away with doing the bare minimum. The pursuit of a job well done takes strong leadership. It’s in this period as a grunt, chugging away in our cubicles, that we learn both how to cut corners and how to do a good job. At the end of the day, we’re the only ones to justify our actions or pat ourselves on the back.

Before Jesus went on to teach his disciples and I guess save the world, God sent him into the desert for forty days - Alone. There is a lot of truth in building greatness in periods of solitude. Leading yourself makes you look inward to find the values and principles that guide your life. These are the orders you follow when no one is giving them but yourself. Bernard Ebbers and Jeff Skilling didn’t take the time to learn this when they were starting out as young associates.

It’s easy to brush off our starting positions. It’s easy to be negative about the work we’re given that will never get any recognition. Don’t look outward for validation and self worth, but develop your self esteem from within. Put everything you have in the tasks that you’re given. To become a true leader worth following you have to lead yourself when there is no one around.

The vision of a champion is bent over, dripping in sweat, at the point of exhaustion, when NO ONE is watching.

 

E-mail Top Tips

James Hooper

Unless you live in a cave you probably send or receive at least one e-mail each day. Whether you send 1 or 100 the rules remain the same. The below should act as a reminder, but judging by some of the e-mails that I receive some people obviously were never given such sound (if I do say so myself) advice.

1. Always include something in the subject line, the more informative the better.

2. Make sure you address the e-mail to the recipient. Failing to do this probably is not going to get you a reply. Also make sure you get the spelling right. I’ve had e-mails addressed to Mr. Hopper, Mr. Cooper and once Dennis Hopper. Needless to say I replied to none of these.

3. Keep your content concise and to the point. Avoid long paragraphs as they are not appealing to read.

4. If you are sending the e-mail to get some information make sure that this is emphasized. Often it’s best to start and finish with this.

5. Keep your language easy to understand and unambiguous to make sure that a thesaurus isn’t needed to get the meaning.

6. Always include a salutation of sorts. Anything from ‘Thanks’ to ‘kindest regards’ will suffice. It just makes the whole e-mail look better.

7. Include a signature that details your contact information. This should include your business telephone number.

8. Before you send it, quickly re-read it to make sure that what you have written is what you want to say.

9. Remember you shouldn’t e-mail anything that you wouldn’t want published on the front page of the newspapers. Although we see e-mails as private don’t forget that someone somewhere is checking them for all sorts of reasons.

10. Lastly, if you really need something quickly pick up the phone and call the person.

Online Dating???

As we all plan our staycations this summer (complements of rising gas prices) why not try some online dating to spice up your life?? Oh no you didn’t!! Yes, I just recommended online dating. Well, my love life is somewhat of a joke these days. It’s time I throw some humor into these posts.

Outsourcing some part of your dating life seems to be the new craze. Ignoring the flight attendant (I know how to buckle my seat belt) I opened up SkyMall. I find a 3 page add on some dating service for working professionals. This month’s issue of Fortune features a column on the ‘Executive Matchmaker’ (pg. 69). Is that lavalife showing up on the left side of my facebook?

I’m constantly being bombarded with adds suggesting I need help in the romance department. What are the benefits to online dating anyway?? True, it is a multi million dollar industry. Maybe someday it’ll even be cool to tell your kids mom and dad met on a website. Let’s explore the opportunity…

1. Eliminates the confusing two ladder system

It’s too stressful trying to figure out women and their two ladder system. Damn you two ladder system! Jumping into the online dating scene eliminates the confusion. The woman you are conversing with is interested. It’s up to you to screw that up.

2. Online flirting just like in high school!

Remember staying up late and chatting up your crush on AIM?? It’s time to bring that back. type, type, type….delete, delete, delete…. type, type… delete…. type, type, type… Send!

3. Awkward is NOT the new cool.

Try this. Ask out a co-worker on a date. Go on the date. Don’t call her back. You’ll be making less trips to the water cooler that’s for sure. Online dating obviously lets you venture outside your work life and circle of friends.

4. I think it would be sweet to have a girl ask me out

I understand that women aren’t scared of asking men out these days, but I’ve never had that happen to me. I feel online dating would increase the odds.

5. Quantity over Quality??

Online dating is great to up the quantity to find the quality. It feels sort of like a reverse six sigma. Instead of one defect per million, you’re looking for that one perfect product in a million defects. Not saying any woman is defective… Uhhh well, as I put my foot in mouth I better wrap this up.

So am I gonna set up an eHarmony account??? Absolutely not. I didn’t do any research in writing this and even after these five points I haven’t really convinced myself. It was nice entertaining the thought. I guess I’ll use it as a fall back if all fails come 40. Kind of like teacher’s college for you aspiring doctors. Ouch.

P.S. I know Six Sigma is 3.4 DPM, but I was trying to make a point.

Act As If…

There I was, the youngest one in the room, standing on front of hundreds of employees asking the CEO of our company a question that had been circulating around our headquarters. I’m sure if I had that extra cup of coffee I would have pissed my pants. Walking up to the microphone at the front of the stage the thoughts were jetting back and forth “what the heck are you doing?”, “Ok, no one has really seen you yet, you can still turn back”, “Oh my god… oh my god… oh my god!”.

Now, on the outside I was calm as a cucumber. I buttoned up my suit jacket as I made my way forward and walked confidently with my head up. I had no idea what I was going to say, but when I spoke there wasn’t a flinch in my speech. On the outside I seemed polished and composed. On the inside I was a bloody mess of nervous anxiety!

So here’s the thing. I don’t believe anyone is as confident as they appear to be. To a certain extent it’s all an act.

There comes a point in many circumstances where we have to actively choose to act as if we have what it takes. If we don’t, we miss out on opportunities. This ties in with the whole “fake it ’til you make it” mentality. When I say this I’m not talking about being a fraud, lying and faking other people out. I’m talking about faking out yourself. Faking out your own psyche, that part of you brain that keeps telling you “I can’t do it”, “I’m in way over my head”.

This is taking self doubt by the throat and punting it off the balcony.

If you’re ambitious you’ll reach many points in your career where you’ll need to call on this state of mind. Inside you might be freaking out, but you have to act as if you’re not. The beauty of it all (what I believe is the secret) is that this whole process of acting actually stirs up something inside of us that matches our actions. When you act as if you’re confident you start building confidence.

This self development also has a compounding effect that goes both ways. It’s like a tank that depletes itself if not used. The times you turn away when you can be bold is taking away from that tank. You need to constantly accept the challenges that force you to step out of your comfort zone. The more you do, the more you build that confidence. The less that you do, the more self doubt grows within you.

I’m 23 years old. What’s even worse is that I look like I’m 16. I have to act as if I’ve been managing for years. I have to act as if I belong in this meeting and that I’m here to make a contribution. When I feel a little initimidated on a conference call I get up. My tone of voice changes when I stand up - Motion creates emotion. It’s all part of the act. The composure and confidence I’ve developed are from my experiences where I acted as if I had it.

You need to seek out those mountains that force you to ‘act as if’. As you continue to do so, you’ll find one day on your journey you won’t be acting anymore.

 

—

 

“What are we to do when we cannot find any such feeling within ourselves? Act as if you did. Do not waste time bothering whether you ‘love’ your neighbour; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the great secrets.”

- C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

“Act it until you ARE it. Act as if you know how to be a CEO, act as if you’ve already recieved the promotion when you pitch your boss for it. Act as if your company is substantial and important when pitching a key executive. It’ll help you transcend the fear and self doubt. You’ll transmit your confidence and belief…”

- Christine Comaford-Lynch, Rules for Renegades

“There’s an important phrase we use here, and I think it’s about time you all learned it. ‘Act As If’. You understand what that means? Act as if you are the President of this firm. Act as if you have a nine inch cock. Ok? Act as if! …then begin trading like an SEC liscenced broker. Then you’re a fuckin’ millionaire.”

- Jim Young, Boiler Room

Can Working Women Really Have it All?

Rodan Luo

I will not vote for Hillary Clinton, but I applaud her. I applaud Hillary Clinton because she has diligently all her life walked the precarious line of what it means to be a woman whose life is driven by her career, and a woman whose life is driven for her family.

Women have it hard, and I’m not just saying it because I am a woman, rather speaking on the basis of my experiences. I’m not saying that women have it harder than men, but just stating the simple truth that we have it hard. We’re supposed to magically achieve this balance between a successful family life, and a successful career. But it’s a difficult, almost unattainable balance, because the truth is there is no magical formula.

Look at Hillary for example. No one doubts that she has achieved immense success within her career, apart of her husbands. By any one’s standards, she has spent her life striving for what she believes in, what she wants to accomplish, and she is now fighting for the job of a life time. The pure fact that she is able to fight for this job, to run this race, says a lot about her. Not to mention she has a good marriage (whether or not it is successful or happy is not up to anyone to qualify), and has helped raise a wonderful daughter.

Yet I will not vote for her. Why? Because Hillary has, while trying to maintain this uneasy coexistence, has alienated the very essence of what it means to be a woman. Or what I, and presumably the rest of society, assumes to be the essence of a woman. When I look at her, I do not see her as warm, loving, or even sweet. Instead, I see someone who is tough, unyielding, and a bit too calculated. In my mind, she is less a woman, than a man masquerading as a woman.

But still, I applaud her. For she dares to do what few people (irregardless of gender) dare to do. She is challenging the norm, and fighting the hard battle of trying to have it all. No one said it would be easy, and it definitely has gotten much more difficult in this new generation. I applaud her because she dared to think that she could be a successful and respected woman in the working world, and still manage to have a complete home life.

As I leave the comforts of my youth and my home, I can only appreciate the women who have trudged ahead of me, illuminating the path.

 

______________________________________________

Rodan Luo (New York)

Rodan is currently interning in the fashion industry in Manhattan, New York. She’s the kind of person that people just gravitate towards. Why? Well, her dynamic fun personality, but more importantly, ’cause you feel like the most important person in the world when she talks to you. It’s a rare gift. I’ve met her once in person and have been a fan ever since. She’s also a great writer and you can check out her blog called “me you“. It’s a mix of politics and fashion delivered in a sophisticated and humorous way. Try to figure that one out.

 

Is this Job really For me?

I think every millennial reaches a point in their first job where they ask themselves “Is this really for me?”. Let’s face it, none of our dream jobs entailed sitting in a cubicle pumping out spreadsheets or twiddling our thumbs. On top of that, we’re stuck in this in-between phase that no one has ever told us about. We feel this bitter nostalgia back in our college towns (no, I don’t have plans for the summer I’m working remember?) and we don’t quite click with the older co-workers either (Oh, you don’t have facebook?).

At about the six month threshold the questions start rolling in. Is this job really suited for me? Can I see myself doing this for the rest of my life? Am I liking what I’m doing? Of course the answer to all these questions is no, no and no. This is an entry level position. After that realization there are the typical responses.

Who am I and what am I supposed to be doing?
I know who I am, but what am I supposed to be doing?
Wow, mom and dad were right. Working blows!

I think in this confused state our brain defaults to what it knows best - Dwelling on the next step. From kindergarten to the end of college I’ve known generally what I’d be doing. Every year was spent focusing and working towards the next educational step that was laid out for me. I lived my life in nicely packaged one year increments.

Now I’m working and my future is somewhat up in the air. No one wants to get stuck in a rut with a failure to launch. Yet, that’s what we feel when sitting in our cubicles. I think our generation has a slight need to know what’s next. We’ve grown up with that mentality. So we start dwelling on the next thing: moving to a new division, getting our MBA, possibly changing companies.

I think constantly living for the next season of our life is damaging to us in the present. You start pulling away from your current position and your attitude slopes. Living life in this constant mindset can tire you out. You always feel a void that needs to be filled with the next stage of your life. Can we be fully present in our current jobs?

I understand, if every bone in your body is saying no. I would recommend developing your soft skills and start looking elsewhere… or take the GMAT and go back to school. For the rest of us, here’s what I’m doing to help me be fully present in my current position.

Put a Time Frame On It
I’m giving it one year. That’s one year before I sit down and completely assess where I stand with my job. When that time comes I’ll ask myself the tough questions. I believe this frees up the mind to focus on the now. I’m not constantly dwelling on the question “Is this right for me?”.

This doesn’t discount our ambition and aspirations. Take the opportunities that arise. This is not a one year ball and chain to your cubicle prison. It’s just a way to mentally allow you to focus on the present and not dwell on a question you really don’t have an answer to.

Focus on Quality
It’s easy to fall into the “I don’t give a shit about this” mentality. We should be doing the opposite. Bring quality to every task you’re given. This can be very difficult, but it pays off. People notice quality work. Why? ‘Cause there are so many slackers in the office these days. Set yourself apart.

When the time comes and you tell your boss you’re leaving, confidently say “I really don’t think this job is for me, but I put in a 100% in every task I was given”. Two things will happen; He’ll do everything in his power to keep you or he’ll become the best reference you could ever ask for.

Take Interest In the People Around You
I feel we miss out on things we can learn. I’ve been very guilty of this. Talking and listening only to people that I believe can help advance my career. Everyone around me is someone I can connect with and learn from.

Help people with their tasks and help build them up. If anything, this is networking. We don’t know what life brings to any individual. The interest you show in your peers might just land you the dream job in the future.

Don’t Obsess About Others
Your peers and co-workers might have better projects, better managers, better everything. Trust me, you’re not seeing the full story. So don’t dwell on it. People show only the facade they want you to see. Life isn’t perfect for anyone. We’re all trying to figure this out together. Don’t let someone else’s “perceived” life take away from your happiness.

This thing called the corporate life is new to all of us. Take it a step at a time and be fully present in everything you do.